DeadAss.: Happy.

DeadAss.: Happy.

Michael Jackson Dead!!!

Crazy Right...
The King of Fa-Reakin Pop is dead.
Michael Joseph Jackson Jr. was a legend and inspiration to many people around the world.
He was a household name, and as bizzare as he was I feel a warm spot in my heart for him.
He was kind of an oldie for my generation, but I mean we all know who he was, what he had done, and what he had become. I can admitt to being a fan, even though by he time I was 5 or 6 he had already began his unusal transformation. I knew Michael Jackson only as the pale straight haired person. And it hurts to think he maybe was once normal.
To people my parents age, he was The Man. He was the first African American to have a music video on MTV, & still holds the record for BestSelling Album of ALL time.
Googling his name to try and find a picture for my post, I couldn't help but notice all the pictures people had created that made fun of him. Pictures of his head on a womans body, comparisons of him and creatures from Planet of the Apes. Imagine the whole world was able to see every stupid thing you've ever done.... any weird moment you ever had. His whole life is pretty much posted online for everyone to see.
Its crazy. I mean I hate that he had to be so messed up.

Anyways,
God Bless you MJ.
RestInParadise.

Lee.
June 27 2009

Behind the Ink.

A lot of people been asking me about my newest tattoo. I mean it gets mad annoying. "What you get that for?" "What it means to you?"
I didn't get this tattoo aimlessly.It actually means something to me.

So far it says BangBang. I'll be adding two revolvers above it and underneath it I'll be adding a collage of different flowers.

Inside Lee's Mind:

I believe my tattoo represents me in the most important way. To me it tells a story, to others its a bag of BS and another stupid 'teen' tattoo.
Each part of the tattoo represents a different phase in my life.

Phase 1: the revolvers represent the most turbulent times in my life. Rebellious behavior wasn't an option, it was the way I lived my life. Talking back, cursing out, fighting etc...A gun is intimidating on its own, a loaded gun is a whole other story. But once the shots ring out, you let your guard down knowing that the chamber is empty. Which takes me into the 2nd phase.

Phase 2: Bang Bang represents the after affect of the shootout. I was once a rebel, now my chambers empty and its time to settle down. I'm tranquil. I feel I'm at this stage right now. And being 18, I mean its only a few more years before the next phase takes place.

Phase 3: the flowers represent a phase in my life that is soon to come. Growing into an accomplished young lady. I feel that its not far but I still have something's to do before I can claim it. The beauty and femininity of the flowers give my somewhat masculine tattoo a womans touch.


Hopefully it'll be complete by the end of the year.=) So now y'all know!
-Lee.06.22.09

GoodBye.- Nina Sky

[Lee: This song got me through a hell of alot of things.
From bad relationships, friendships.
Deadass, I love it. ]


"I'm writin this letter to
Let you know that i'll
Be leavin tomorrow
Didnt want to go
But ya pushed me to this point
I dont know what to do
I figured the first step was to let you know were through
I'll be gone by mornin time
Wont ask you if you care
You never showed you did
And you were never there, never there
I'm takin all my things
Oh yeah threw yours away
Dont say a word or try and write me back
I dont wanna be with you
Listen to the guitar play
Ohhh goodbye
Goodbye ohhhh"
-Nina Sky.

Happy.

Happy.
It's not a word i can say i use often.
My life has been a bullshit beginners course to reality.

Family, well I can say they'll hopefully always be there.
Friends? Don't have those, don't want em, don't need em.

I was at the point of no return.
& then you came too me.


No, not gracefully at all.
More like a brick to the head.
I mean when I first met you, I didnt even like you.
Well not like that anyway.
Ya, I know we don't always see eye to eye, but we young, & we working on it.
I wanna grow old wit you, see you at worst & most vulnerable times.
I want to love you when you're ugly, sexy, or sad.
You've taken me by surprise...
& everyday I'm thankful to whoever's up above, that I have you now.
You're my future. Thinkin about the past, I wish we found eachother years ago.
but it's Because of You babe, that I wake up feeling more or less rejuvenated...
& all the while happy.
i love you.

The Definition [old facebook post]

Ye, I agree nobody is perfect.
But for you to call it out like you're
some real type of muh fucka is definitely an insult.
I've seen past your emotional blindfold.
You're not much more then a third of one depressed clique.
At one point we we're friends, & time & time again you "claim"
I've done you dirty?
DIRTY? SNAKE? LIAR?
Sorry hun, I beg to differ.
You and your crew walk the halls, like you ain't got a worry on your mind.
But trust me I know, that when you see me your eyes start to burn and
heart begins to pump. You wish you could see me, but you feel as if your
eyeliner & mascara are seaping into your eyes.
Fortunately for you, I smile as you pass by, only to be hit the with the dine & dash.
You eat my sincereity, devour my kindness & then your off.
Paying me with what change you made from a penny.
Although I would like to think I'm made of steel, I'm not.
and shit like that hurts.
So the next time you see me in the hallways of Pine Ridge Secondary,
chilling by my locker, where you once were welcomed...
keep it moving, cause i've changed.
I may forgive but bitches I DONT forget.

LESBIAN. [old post]

For so long, she had my heart in her hands.
Manipulated my pulse, so much, it now skips beats steady.
Sickly I was,Blindly I followed my weakened heart.
Shes my soulmate.
And with that thought in my head I knew it would never end.
The up's and down's, were so often..
We now have our own frequency of love.
And the tables turn...
Now I am the one who holds her life in my hands.
Squeezing tight onto that powerful muscle to ensure she never leaves.
I let go...
& shes still there...
Shes still there... As the relief, becomes belief.
I see her begin to fade... & then shes gone.
I try my hardest to see her but shes not there...
But she said she would stay here, with me.
&now when I try to get her heart back...
She's tells me shes done, we're done. Us is gone.
And with those words that weakened heart of mine,
beats stronger, and pumps harder.
Creating a whole new rhythm I never experieneced.
What is this New Liberating feeling.
And alas Im back at square one.
Because now my mind is telling me to stay,
When my heart is telling me to go...
I love you, always & forever.
-yi

Good Good. ihy. [old post]

You think Ashanti can do it better then me...
You & I both know I got the good good...
You say Im not about this...us!!
I BEG to differ.
I hate you.. I hate you I hate you.
Ever since you, my life has turned for the worst.
Thinkin about what we've been through makes me sick to my stomach.
Ontop of that you antogonize me with all these hideous creatures...
well you call them girls.
All on your friendslist commenting on your blogs..
all your blogs about ME by the way.
I HATE YOU.
You turned me into , this mean, crazy ass chick...
But...

I love you.
I really do,
I think about you every minute of everday..
damn well knowing im still #1.
psh shanti cant be me...
neither can her her or her...
so lets get real..
Am i the future??
I dont need to ask cause I already know..
You do too Ms. Cleo.
So this front you put on needs to go...
Cause we all know when you come home..
I'll be the first one you call...
to tell me you Love me...

To: You Bitch, From: Lee. [old post]

The mascara, I thought was water proof runs down my face, as the tears come steady flowing.
My heart feels... undefined with many emotions beating through it, in & out.
My mind can understand the words coming out of his mouth, but I'm still confused, bewildered, ashamed.
"We don't blend!"- He exclaims, the words pierce through my body like a jagged sword, as they play
over & over again, I feel like I'm falling into a bottomless pit, with rainbowed flags swimming past me.
My head is now buried into my pillow despite the knowledge I have of the smears of black soon to be present upon it.
But I cant help myself, seems like my pillow is my best friend. Comforting me without ridicule, nor an uneasy comment. Reassuring me with the softness and tenderness of a mother... craddling me at my most vulnerable moments.
As I finally drift off to sleep, the last thing on my mind were the days Life was simple.
We were friends at most.
I DO regret making this move, I was happier with what we had.
But I can't go back, & I'll always feel like the girl who you couldn't try harder with.
Then my eyes close, my thoughts go black..
& I find peace, within my dreams.
Where everything is how it should've been.

DL [old post]

I don't flaunt my shit,
I don't ask for much.
You blow it up in my face,
You & her...
You were.
Not are, Nor is.
Get it?
Good.
So how am I supposed to feel.
Dropped a chick to get closer.
Got close, then love bombs drop,
& Im near close to single again.
"That's Fine" I keep telling myself.
But , it really isn't.
I think I hate you?
I know somewhere deep down, I do.
you fucked with my stuff.
& I cant handle that, I can let go,
Shit It'll take time, Until then just relax.
Im not tryna get in, or on.
Just tryna be around.
Before you erase me out your brain forever.
Before you press delete on what I thought we could've had.
I asked you from day 1 are you sure?
you said ye.
Just dont ever fuckin lie to me again.
Im not grown enough to speak to you like this right?
Just because you have your shit together , dont mean your always right.
Im different. Im not you her, your sister or brother.
So dont penalize me for being me.
I handle things my own way.
Just takes time.

& This ones for That Girl Ras.

I loved you. [old post]

It was never supposed to be this way.
You could've been good to me,
loved me, treated me the way a good girl would.
But you didn't, & all i can say is that im sorry.
Im sorry you couldn't smarten up enough to be with me.
Im sorry that you're mind set is far off in Lala-land doing backflips.
Im sorry that her pussy was so much better then mine.
Ha i lied. It really wasnt.
I know that you loved me.
I know that you still do...
But you make this shit so much harder then it needs to be..
Either pack up & be gone, or stick it out.
you made your decision.
which is fine, but dont come knocking again.
cause i've closed my door.
and dont try the emergncy exit either.
pce.